Embracing Our Multifaceted Identities

There are more than a few voices whose words I turn back to time and time again, especially when things feel harder than on other days:

• “We need to practice – which is different than something being ‘a practice’, or thinking of ‘best practices’; we need to practice each day.” – Clarice Bailey
• “Practice does not make us better; it makes us different.” – Ruth Wilson Gilmore 
• “I lead with my vulnerability.” – Alex Sanchez

Our team is definitely being called upon to practice. Like many of you, we are learning into anti-racism, anti-blackness, antisemitism, Asian hate, islamophobia, homophobia, xenophobia, and more. And trying to bring in our principles of leading with love into that mix. Some days are uplifting and joyful, but often mixed with sadness, disappointment, and anger with the hateful things happening around us in communities. 

We have a policy of ‘no politics in the workplace’ and we’re struggling with how that manifests itself when my workplace is also my home. Ironically, we often offer more trainings to partners than we do to our team, so we’re doing some internal focused work too. That makes us feel vulnerable, but we are practicing so that we can be different. We’re on the journey from here to there. 

June is a great example of the multiple and intertwined identities we hold. In addition to celebrating graduations, end of the school year, and Father’s Day, did you know that June also brings:

• Immigrant Heritage Month
• Black Music Month
• LGBTQIA+ Pride Month 
• Men’s Health Month
• Caribbean-American Heritage Month
• National PTSD Awareness Month
• National Loving Day
• Juneteenth
• Summer Solstice
• National HIV Testing Day 
• And many, many more 

We all carry a varied mix of identities, making us amazing and interesting people. I identify as female, am a daughter, sister, mother, and grandmother; descended from slaves purchased by the Danes to work on sugar plantations in the Caribbean and from French settlers in the Caribbean. My maternal grandfather was one generation removed from slavery and was a composer and musician. Both of my parents were born on islands in the Caribbean. My parents were married, but if not for the Loving v. Virginia case, their marriage could have been illegal when they moved to the mainland. I’ve raised three children into adulthood with my partner Nancy, and was previously in a traditional marriage before divorcing. I have mixed race children by birth and adoption, a daughter-in-law from Busan, Korea, and a grandson who I often describe as being half Korean and half everything else. Yet we are connected by love and care for each other in ways that cannot be measured.

It is only from the outside that I’m asked to name myself with one identity, a desire to label me as one thing or another, incapable of seeing the multiplicity that exists within each of us. It is within my personal circle that this multiplicity is unearthed and treasured.

The June events listed above are significant to me and my family. We love each other because we cannot imagine choosing a different way to approach our lives. We see what makes us different, yet we are tied together by the richness of our own experiences, our connections, and our love. It is not naive to believe that love is powerful. It is what allows me (and us) to see the humanity in another person, no matter what assets they have or struggles they bear. 

We tell partners that we want to lead with love, and sometimes we realize we haven’t yet incorporated it at all levels of our work. We can get stuck in self-criticism and looking for others to blame. I hope we can also see these moments as an opportunity to lift new ideas and try new ways to be different.

Having once tried to teach myself to play the guitar, I know that I can only practice in a space where I don’t feel I will be judged if I’m imperfect. I hope we can provide that kind of space to each other, where we can be imperfect while we practice and learn, individually and together. That, too, is pretty powerful: the space to grow and become different.

We look forward to seeing in six short weeks at the August convening. Details coming soon!

Be well –