Guest Post written by Kevin Riley, of Mount Baker Presbyterian Church
Trigger warning – This post will be vulnerable and long, so I have broken it up so it’s easier to read through.
May 2, 2024
Tonight like most nights I opened my Facebook app to just kinda see what everyone was up to. The first post that popped up was one of our local community pages.
I instantly read that there was a female in a mental health crisis and law enforcement was requesting help from every agency possible – helicopters, boats, firefighters, and more.
The individual in crisis was on the Deception Pass Bridge. A place of extreme beauty and wonder and, on the other hand, a morbid darkness as well. Many people have taken their lives jumping from that bridge. I’ve even, when I was younger, stood there and thought about it a time or two.
The person in crisis did jump. Her lifeless body was picked up by a boater who happened to be there and rushed to land, where they tried CPR and other life-saving measures. Unfortunately, she did not survive the fall.
When I hear of someone who has taken their own life it sends a visceral feeling through my body, followed by a wave of emotion and gut wrenching empathy for the person that succumbed to the moment of desperation, finally losing the fight they fought for so long.
Some of these fights are public; some are private and unexpected – think Robin Williams.
I myself am a suicide survivor and I know that darkness all too well. The embarrassment and emotional toll, along with the stigma of having a mental health diagnosis is imprisoning and debilitating at times.
And no matter how hard and far you run from it, it is inescapable. And, without proper treatment and support, can be life ending as we see at the beginning of this post. When you step into the darkness and find yourself in that place it never truly goes away.
From about the age of 13 to 35 I tried to control my mental health through the use of illicit substances, and after nearly 10 years of not addressing my mental health in sobriety and having my CPTSD and complex trauma, triggered in debilitating ways that led to daily panic attacks, I finally trusted the people around me that were speaking life into me and sought after some providers that could help me with my issues.
For the first time since my suicide attempt in 2009, I am currently working with prescribing providers and a trauma therapist in pursuing the healing that I have been afraid of for so long.
Will this work fix everything? No, I don’t believe that it will. But I do truly believe that if I trust those who love me and lean into what the providers are doing to try to help me, life can be enjoyable.
So I put this all out there, in a forward step of vulnerability. Along with the admission that sometimes I struggle, but now I know that I do not have to struggle in silence alone.
May is Mental Health Awareness Month. And mental health-related concerns are a whole lot more common than you would think. I am here to say that if you are somebody who struggles, you do not have to do it alone.
May 2 is also the National Day of Prayer, and my prayer today is for those who struggle with mental health, that they could overcome the stigma that is in the world and open their hearts to reaching out for help, and invite people in to help them in the healing process.
If I can find hope, health, and healing you can also.
Call me – I’d love to do life with you –
Kevin Riley
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